Days of August - day 5

We met at the Angel and went to Nerano to eat in Lo Scoglio. We got a lovely table looking out over Nerano and Capri. All the boats creating beautiful white wakes, sun shining, crisp white tableclothes, tanned barefoot people.

Bliss. Alone & insieme. We ate. Chargrilled vegetables drizzled with oil, spagetti with zuccini flowers (the best) baby swordfish, then some Grana to finish. We washed it all down two bottles of crisp, chilled white wine. We had our shoes off and I could feel the wood underfoot. We talked and laughed about the things that had happened last night. Wonderful.

After our three hour lunch, we got on the motorino and drove to Punto Campanello - what views over Capri. Peace, sun, glistening water. You are worried about how it will be on the 28th. I say I don't want to think about it yet. Not yet. I just want to bask in the love and contentment that I have now.

We stopped for coffee and limoncello and relished the time without the usual rush to get me back to work.

You dropped me at the Hospital and I made my way home. I feel as if I am dreaming or in a movie.

Days of August - Day 3

Was up early this morning. I missed you and was really looking forward to seeing you. We met in Syrenuse and you told me to walk down to the Angel. We went to the Marina to eat today. You know everyone there, so while we were 'relaxed' we weren't as close.

The restaurant is on a jetty out over the water with amazing views. Very rustic.

We drank beer and ate - sardines with oil, lemon and garlic, pasta with tuna, capers, olives, tomatoes and chilli and then salad and mozzarella. I missed you even more after lunch, because we were not as close today. I did give you a hug and a kiss when we walked back to the motorino. You said ' I like the way you close me'.

I like closing him.

The more I see of you, the more I want to see. God knows where I'll be after this.

At the week end we're going to go to Nerano and Monte Faito, I can't wait to see him again tonight.

Came home after work and had a few hours sleep, then went to the club with B. Had fun drinking Margs. Didn't leave till 5am.

You and I came home. We get closer every time.

It was you that got me up this morning for work. Washed and dried me and more or less dressed me!

We met in Ercolano for coffee and a cornetto. Stumbled through work until 1pm and met you in Syrenuse. Scot was there and the three of us went to Gigi's for a lovely lunch.

After work, I had a sleep and then got ready to meet you for dinner. I was late, and you told me afterwards that you were worried that I wasn't going to come, or that something had happened.

There is always so much to say to you and never enough time.

Days of August - Day 2

Tired and got a cold I think, but still on a high from last night/this morning. We met again in Syrenuse and went on the motorino to another out of the way but wonderful restaurant. I couldn't wait to see you even though I only left you this morning. I felt very close to you today.

As always, you ordered. Tagliata with salad and bread, fizzy red wine with peaches and ice. We were both very tactile, emotional and very close. Wonderful.

The restaurant had most beautiful views out over the Bay. After our steak we had a platter of cheese and salami. Best meal we've had, in every way. We both wanted to go home. Instead we went to scooter mans for coffee. Happy, content and hopeful, but very tired.

After work I went home to bed and slept until 1.30am. Then I went to meet you at the bar. It was quiet and we got closed around half past three. You brought wine, Grana, tuna and fruit. We stopped at the bakers and bought fresh bread still hot from the oven. I love going there at that time in the morning - the smell is incredible.

We came back here and ate what felt like a feast. You didn't stay as we were both tired and needed to sleep, but I was content with the knowledge that 'tomorrow is another one day'.

Days of August

Day 1.


We met in Ercolano and had a beer. You called just before I left the office. I was really excited at the prospect of our holiday.


We went on the motorino to a restaurant out past Francischiello, where you knew the owner - of course! We were the only people in the place. We sat on the terrace, under the cool shade of an umbrella - it really was too warm and humid. I wore a white dress, so that I wouldn't have to waste time later going to change.


You ordered. Ravioli (fatto a casa), then steak and salad. We were brought zuccini flowers stuffed with ricotta and ham, dipped in batter and very lightly fried. We drank cold, crisp white wine and we talked. (He is in love with me, and I with him.) We laughed about silly things. We had coffee and limoncello at the end of our meal. Then we drove the long way back - half drunk with wine and heat and love. Despite the searing heat I hugged him all the way as he drove back.

The Fixation

Lie back and drift



into the realms of blue and purple



the fantasy made real



Inside is the safety



and you taste so sweet



that I want you all



here tonight, to touch you



and feel the knife



the cut or



the kill.



and there dear boy



lies the fixation.

A Distance More Than Miles

Now I can still taste you, smell you, feel your touch. Bastard. How can I love someone that does not love me completely, wholly, fully. Yet I do. Why? I am not stupid and I don't have youth to blame now, nor even past experience. I have no excuse. I have never been naiive or sheltered, I know what is what in this life, or I thought I did. Until now. Don't get me wrong, I've fallen before, several times in my thirty odd summers, so it's not as if you were the first. Still with all my knowledge, all my experiences, still I fell, and hard. It's painful when you fall like that. Beautiful and glorious and deep and very, very painful.

I told you I didn't want to fall in love and you said 'why not? It is such a beautiful door to open.'

It is. A rainbow of a door, that gives you new life and hope.

Tonight I hate you. But that is only possible because I love you too much. What happened? How did it happen? I know you so well, as you do me. Is that normal after such a short time? And I suppose 'time' is questionable because I have spent at least eight hours a day with you since the day we met.

Now I'm leaving for a week and I wonder how that will be for both of us.

We have everything and nothing. Together we can have it all. Apart? Well. There is a situation. A distance that is more than miles, that is wider than an ocean, that can never be bridged. Despite the fact that I know you love me and would do anything in your power to help me, it's not enough. What I want from you, you can never give, and that daily becomes more and more difficult and soon it will swallow me without trace. A beautiful rainbow of a door that one day soon, despite the pain, will have to be closed. I know that I will have to close it, for you never will. 'A beautiful door to open' for whom? There is always blackness on the other side of my door. Always the knowledge that you will leave me for another. And you do. Every single night, when you go home to your wife.

Rocks and Diamonds

It was nothing like Shirley Valentine at all. For one I didn't speak to walls or rocks, and for another I wasn't married & didn't even have a boyfriend waiting in the wings ready to rush after in hot pursuit, until I eventually succumbed and fell gratefully into his arms swearing undying love. No. I just made the decision to move here to Sorrento because I fell in love. Not with a waiter I might add, just the place. The beautiful coastline, the weather, the food, the lifestyle. Idyllic and inspiring, especially in winter when it is blissfully quiet, devoid of tourists and tour companies. Then I have to admit it is tempting to talk to rocks and walls. Easier too than trying to get my head round Southern Italian mentality, which on the surface appears much the same as our own, but after actually living here for a year, I realise that I may as well be on another planet. Almost everything I held to believe, all my attitudes, responses, my very foundations have had to go as I learn again from scratch.

At first I fought to change attitudes, to justify myself, but all I did after eight months was exhaust myself without even making as much as a ripple in the calm waters of Sorrentine mentality.